eros 0123

collection of poems

chat srry i’ve been away for a bit! idk i was in a bit of a mental space where it felt like everything i wrote felt so extremely cringe to me so i had to take a step back. got to writing these and felt a bit better. updates ig: tyler dropped a new album so i’m majorly upppp rn. slight flex is that tyler and me are from the same city (you're jealous, clearly hahaha—you couldn’t care less but hey i think it’s sick so whatever)

last films i watched: sorry, baby (2025) & didi (2024). finally got around to watching didi; little thing about me is if a movie includes skating as a prominent part of the story this is me usually when it comes to those:

i grew up near a skatepark in LA, so it carries a nostalgic element to me that brings me back to how i grew up. Some movies I am excited for are:

1. POETIC LICENSE directed by Maude Apatow and written by Raffi Donatich

2.Luca Guadanigno’s AFTER THE HUNT

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song to pair with this one:

tide

I crave the chaos.
The calmness of the tide — it bores me.
I want the current that threatens to pull me under.
There’s something about sensing danger,
knowing it’s coming,
knowing I’ll let it.

I keep dreaming of hands,
of breath tightening,
of being caught —
finally,
deliberately.

What I once buried deep,
shoved beneath the surface,
has broken through the waves.
And now that I’ve rinsed the shame off my skin,
No longer a distant shore — I can hear the waves..
They’re circling.
Closing in.

I’m not sure I want to swim to shore.

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song to pair with this one:

two's company, three's a crowd

On the surface,
they both carry a refreshing energy.
I toss out a joke here and there —
they laugh like I must be funny.

He says, oh, so you’re real.
I say, yeah, I’m not AI.
Unless—
more laughter.

I always think I’m funny,
but people rarely catch it in full.

I stumbled onto him by chance —
a picture of him beside her.
I knew what I was getting into.
The idea intrigued me.
Some might call me reckless for entertaining it.
I’m not sure I disagree,
but my mind’s always been fluid,
especially with desire.

It didn’t hurt that I found him attractive.
And I’d be lying if I said
I wasn’t already curious
about the feeling of her legs wrapped around me —
about how she might beg
for me to give her that release.

First step:
he messages.
We hit it off.
A groupchat forms — that goes well too.
Then FaceTime — even better.

And then,
the first questionable turn:
he puts in effort with me directly.
Sees my post,
replies away from the communal space.
Slips into my messages
with that familiar enthusiasm —
the kind that’s hard to come by.

I won’t lie —
the attention felt good.
His picture alone is enough to stir something in me.

Still,
I wonder what this might do to them.
But it seems clear —
she’s not as invested.
she’s had her chances to initiate,
I’ve left the door open,
but she doesn’t walk through.
Not surprising.

Men tend to respond to me more easily.
I’ve tried with women,
but they never quite know what to do with me.

It’s not that I’m a pick-me —
it’s something else:
the way I wear my masculine energy,
it confuses them.

But men —
it piques their interest.
they can’t name what draws them to me,
but I know:
it’s the spectrum in their own desire.
I’m the safe option to explore that.
They see me
and still think, girl,
but I’ve always floated
somewhere between.

Not girl,
not boy —
just almost.

Even as a kid,
I was in-between —
on my own,
never belonging.
Never powdering myself the way I was supposed to.

And after a certain age,
boys looked at me like I carried a curse —
the cheese touch,
too embarrassing to want aloud.

That kind of rejection
stains you,
but lately,
the wind has shifted.

I feel like a kid again,
before desire was something to explain.
Before curiosity
was questioned
before it bloomed.
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and here are the songs i have been replaying the most recently:

anyways, lemme know any thoughts. whether that be on the poems, any songs, or movies you have watched, or anything in between.

logging off for now <3