are you gay?

the quiz you take when you already know the answer

One of my earliest memories is being on the playground, lollygagging—because when I was on the playground, I could let go. I didn’t have to worry about what was going on at home. It was a familiar ritual, this freedom.

Then there was a voice.

One I had never come across before.

The pitch lived somewhere in between. I couldn’t tell who it was coming from. I turned—and it was a girl? My mind was blown. Why was I drawn to the voice of a girl?

That was as far as that thought extended.

Because society.

My family.

Everyone around me.

No one showed me that you could feel what you felt for guys… for girls too. So I ignored it. Went back to my scheduled programming of having crushes on boys—and keeping it a secret. The only one I could keep.

That moment on the playground wasn’t the first sign, though.

There’s one I hear semi-frequently in my head: walking through the mall, cheeks getting red, a nervous gulp, maybe even a drop of sweat as I passed the Victoria’s Secret display.

Then came ninth grade.

My freshman year.

We were all gathered in a circle, and for some reason, my friends and I started guessing each other’s orientations. Don’t ask how this even happened—I’m still not sure. All I remember is that not a single one of them guessed straight for me.

I was shocked.

“You’re bi?”

The thought circled in my brain. Was I? Had I just not noticed? It was like a newsletter was sent out and I was conveniently left off the list.

So I took the “Are You Gay?” quiz and made sure to clear my search history afterward on the family computer. I was looking for confirmation.

But the answer was already there.

It was never giving straight.

BFFR—be serious for a second.

So I really did examine it. For years.

I watched YouTubers, hoping for some guidance. Slowly, it felt like I was growing to accept this side of me.

And it even opened the door—just slightly—to a different side of me that current me is still trying to understand.